Category: Connection

Certain Captain

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, Love, Purpose, Transition

Transitions.

Storms.

Uncertainty.

Seasons of life come and then they go.

Welcome them all with open arms, and trust your Captain.

When questions abound, and you are not sure which way to go, look up; God is always with you, and you are never alone.  He is your Captain.   He will steady the rocking ship, calm the turbulent waters, and steer you into the right direction.  He is your Captain.

Captain by Hillsong United:

Verse 1
Through waters uncharted my soul will embark
I’ll follow Your voice straight into the dark
And if from the course You intend I depart
Speak to the sails of my wandering heart

Chorus
Like the wind You’ll guide
Clear the skies before me
And I’ll glide this open sea
Like the stars Your Word
Will align my voyage
And remind me where I’ve been
And where I am going

Verse 2
Lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog
Your truth is the compass that points me back north
Jesus, my Captain, my soul’s trusted Lord
All my allegiance is rightfully Yours

 

Thank you God for reminding me where I’ve been, and where I am going.

Photo: Murchinson Falls National Park, Uganda.

#standinlove

Bringing HOPE to the World

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, Essential Oils, Passion, People, Purpose

Thank you so much for joining Stand In Love today!  I am honored to welcome you if you are a first-time guest!  This is a place to connect with like-minded change-makers around the world intent on sharing light and love in order to serve humanity.

 Serving People.       Inspiring Ideas.      Living Your Purpose.  

I recently caught up with a girlfriend from my hometown of Chicago whom I befriended during my college days as a waitress in an upscale Italian Steakhouse.  She is currently traveling through India and Nepal as a missionary, delivering hope to victims of sex trafficking.   I sent her essential oil vials to take on the journey, in order to support both her emotions as well as those of the women and children she encountered on the streets.

Sex Trafficking Defined

According to the Office of Refugee Resettlement, victims of human trafficking are subjected to force, fraud, or coercion for the purpose of commercial sex or forced labor. A 2011 Department of State report revealed the geographic locations with the highest percentages of sex trafficking victims include: Thailand, India, Mexico, Philippines, Honduras, and Nepal.  This is not to say that sex trafficking doesn’t exist in the United States, it does.   International travel-hubs like California and Texas host higher concentrations of immigrant populations and subsequently, have higher sex-trafficked victims.

Alarming statistics

According to research, over 20 million adults and children are bought and sold worldwide into commercial sexual servitude, forced labor, and bonded labor.  Almost 6 in 10 identified trafficking survivors were trafficked for sexual exploitation-98% of which are women and girls.

This is a criminal act in over 130 countries, yet sex trafficking is reported to be one of the fastest growing enterprises in the world.   This is unacceptable.  We must create awareness where there is none, and increase awareness where it is stagnant.

Why Share?

Last night while listening to some acoustic recordings by singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman, I reflected on my decision to join doTERRA as a Wellness Advocate earlier this year.  Why do I share essential oils with others? Why did I choose this journey?

The short answer is this:  People matter to me.

I learned that nearly 2/3 of the nations where these precious, potent, and pure essential oils are sourced are developing countries.  For me, the opportunity to share oils with the world is an educational platform.   My heart beats for the deeply impoverished, the lost, the forgotten, and the voiceless.  I am passionate about connecting with people and creating global bridges of understanding, and doTERRA gives me that incredible opportunity.

Each time I share a bottle of these highly aromatic oils, my mind is instantly transported to the British Columbian forests where Arborvitae trees stretch towards the sky, the vast Bulgarian lavender fields, and to the dry, dusty, and desolate stretches of Haiti where the Vetiver root is sourced and distilled.  The benefits of using these oils goes beyond personal health and wellness.  It is about coming into relationship with the human beings who helped in the arduous processes of harvesting, farming, and distilling.

Operation Underground Railroad.

doTERRA’s philanthropic arm, Healing Hands Foundation, has already made a huge impact in so many lives around the world.  The most recent partnership of the Foundation is an organization created to rescue children from slavery and from sex trafficking- Operation Underground Railroad (O.U.R. Rescue).  Founded in 2013 by Tim Ballard, the rescue team is composed of former CIA, Navy SEALs, and Special Ops operatives that work together with local law enforcement to rescue children.  To date, O.U.R. has rescued 693 victims and assisted in the arrests of more than 300 traffickers around the world.   Read about his undercover and emotional journey in Haiti here.

Spreading HOPE.

You may be thinking, “How can I help?” or “How can the sale of one essential oil bottle help put a stop to sex trafficking?” 100% of the proceeds from the sale of every bottle of HOPE Touch essential oil are donated directly to the mission of Operation Underground Railroad.

Let’s join together and help spread HOPE to a world so desperately in need of our love, caring, and voices.

Learn More.

To learn more about Operation Underground Railroad and how your donations through the purchase of the HOPE Touch essential oil are helping children around the world, click here.  To purchase this oil, please click here.

For more information about the Healing Hands Foundation, click here.

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@standinlove on Facebook

 Jennifer Miller is a Las Vegas based writer, doTERRA wellness advocate, and business coach for global NGO BeadforLife.  Her passions include: serving people, inspiring ideas, and helping others live their purpose.  For more inspiration on beginning your essential oil journey, click here. 

 

 

 

 

 

Pillar 4 of Brain Health: Social Interaction

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, Health & Wellness, Passion

 

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.” – John Lennon

Welcome to Stand In Love!  If you are a first time connector, I am SO thrilled you joined us! 

Today, we are exploring Pillar 4 in our 6-part series on Brain Health.    To dive deep into this topic, I called up my girlfriend and friendship expert Shasta Nelson.  In case you missed the post featuring Shasta’s 3 core components of friendships, you can read it here.  So how does social connection promote brain health, and how can Shasta’s years of research on this subject benefit you? Read on!

Shasta’s personal mission: “Friendships can save the world!” 

Shasta Nelson, M.Div., is the Founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a women’s friendship matching site in 65 cities across the U.S. and Canada. Her spirited and soulful voice for strong female relationships can be found in her books Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness and Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends.

Here’s our girlfriend chat!

Q:  Shasta,  in your book Frientimacy, you share the importance of positivity in the cultivation of friendships and social interactions,  What role does positivity play in connecting socially?
“Positive feelings are the foundation for every relationship we have!  At the end of any interaction, whether we are conscious of it, or not, we are determining how much we want to interact with that person again, and we’ll base it off of how we felt in their presence.  In fact, research shows us that for a relationship to stay healthy, our positivity-to-negativity ration has to be at least 5:1, meaning that we need five positive emotions for every negative one.  So while we can never do away with all negative qualities, life stressors, or relational disappointments; we can always add more positivity: more kindness, empathy, laughter, acts of service, affirmation, gratitude, pride, etc.”
Q:  According to your extensive research, what would you say is the biggest obstacle to social connection?  What would you say to someone who feels they just don’t have the energy or mood to connect socially? 
The most common self-reported obstacle is “lack of time.” I hear it repeatedly.  And unfortunately it’s a vicious cycle in that the less frequently we see our friends, the less meaningful it can often feel, and so then the less often we want to make the time to see them.  On the contrary, the more we spend time with each other— the more we feel like we know what’s going on in each other’s lives, the safer we feel sharing, the more we feel supported, and the more relaxed and positive we feel.
Consistent time and interaction is one of the three requirements of all relationships that I teach in my book Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness; and without interaction we can’t do the other two requirements: positivity and vulnerability. It is time together that provides us the chance to share our lives and feel supported.  So, while some friendships can survive less consistent interaction now if they have a history of time spent together, we simply cannot create new friendships without the gift of a lot of time together.
Q:  Let’s talk about the  “8 Vital Friends Role “ … a part of your book Frientimacy I really enjoyed!  What is the benefit of having friends who play different roles in our lives, and how does that help contribute to our ability to connect socially? 
Those 8 Vital Roles come from Tom Rath, author of Vital Friends, and I agree: they are so enlightening!  It reminds us that we all have different strengths and roles that we play for our friends which means that we can’t expect any one person to be all of those things.  One myth that we’ve had to slowly let go of is this belief that 1-2 relationships can do for us what our tribes and communities used to do for us.  When we have healthy expectations of who our friends are, and what primary role they can play in our lives, we then, for example, know whether to reach out to a Builder, Collaborator, Connector, or Energizer.
Q:  Everyone who has read your book and those who will want to read it (it’s SUCH a GREAT read) will want to know :   What are your favorite ways to connect?   And would you mind sharing a time when you connected with someone and it resulted in a deep, long-term friendship or relationship?  
My favorite ways to connect are through long conversations where both people are feeling seen— which means both people need to feel safe sharing (vulnerability) and feeling supported (positivity).  My temperament bonds through conversations, especially conversations about things like ideas, feelings, and psychology.  To feel close, I ultimately want to feel like I can say anything and that you will, too!  For some people, this would sound exhausting! ha!  But put me in my living room, with a glass of red wine, a couple of friends, and a long evening ahead of us— and I am one happy girl.
And in answer to your second question— the secret to that wasn’t having a long and meaningful conversation with someone as that can happen somewhat often, but what turned it into a long-term friendship was the fact that we repeated it, which helped give us the consistency needed to get the friendship off the ground.  For example, a couple of my more recent friendships come to mind and what helped them turn into friendships instead of a friendly interaction was that they were in some monthly group I was a part of which allowed us all to keep getting together and build some shared history.
Q:  If you were to leave us with a few lasting thoughts on why it is important for our brain health to connect socially, what would you share? 
The research is staggering on this but in a nutshell: feeling supported buffers our bodies from absorbing the impact of stress.  How we answer the question, “how loved and supported do I feel?” will tell us more about our future health than almost any other factor including our diet and exercise.  Our immune systems are stronger, we live longer, we recover from surgery and sickness faster, we feel more optimistic, and we report greater happiness when we feel connected to others.  The best thing we can do for brain and body health is make sure we develop supportive relationships.

Thank you Shasta for sharing your passion and expertise with the Stand In Love community! Let’s continue the conversation… please share in the comments any thoughts or feelings that arise when reading this interview!  Stand In Love is a welcome place for serving PEOPLE, inspiring IDEAS, and living your PURPOSE!  

Extra Credit Readers:  Check out this video on Ginger: The Oil of Courage!  Goes hand- in-hand for social connection!!!

Ragnarian Rapport Floods the Mohave Desert

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, Passion, People

What’s the best way to get to know someone?

Endure 24-36  hours temporarily crammed in a passenger van with 5 others, run 3-11 miles on adrenaline, sleep-maybe- and repeat twice.

What brings together road and trail warriors, often complete strangers, in one of the toughest overnight challenges offered in 19 of the most scenic locations across the United States?

Reebok’s Ragnar Relay.   A veritable test of endurance, collaboration, and will.

And what, pray tell, are the motivating factors that stir the hearts and soles of these participants known in Ragnar lingo as Ragnarians?  After spending an enthusiastic 3 days following teams PimpMyStride and SupaFupaTroopers, it was abundantly clear: Camaraderie, Challenge, and Conviction. 

I had heard of the wildly decorated team vans, the clanging of cheering cowbells, the colors of warrior-like painted faces, and the creativity of costumed runners, but admit I never explored the relational depths of such an undertaking.   A Ragnar Relay team consists of 12 runners divided into 2 vans with approximately 200 miles to cover in the span of 2 days and 1 night.  Each runner completes 3 of the 36 varying course segments accumulating a minimum of 12-13 miles.    6 people and 1 van is considered an ultra team, with each runner performing double duty and 26+ miles.   Intrigued by challenges involving endurance and mental fortitude, I decided to venture into the welcoming community of Ragnarians.  Thanks to a volunteer opportunity with the local police department and a gracious invitation on social media, I was afforded an insider’s glimpse.

Camraderie

Eager to share the Ragnar experience from the runner’s perspective, I met team captain and repeat Ragnarian Annie Pham of San Diego at her team’s strategic location, a rented Vegas mansion, for some pre-race interviews Thursday night.   Together with team Unsupervised Adults, we lounged on the back patio, under the glowing light of a low-hanging desert moon as teammates proffered their resolves for accepting this rigorous endeavor.   Christy, Kelly, and Claire expressed their appreciation of fostering new friendships within this united tribe of spirited adventurers.  “Running is usually a solo sport, ” said 13 time marathoner Claire, “but Ragnar gives you the opportunity to share your love of running in community.”  “It’s the togetherness, the friendships that form, the bonding that happens during an event like this that keeps me coming back, ” shared Kelly. “I’m a first timer,” said Christy, “and I am glad Kelly invited me for this amazing challenge .”  Annie’s impact as team leader was self-evident.  The meticulously planned and printed running time tables, scheduled wake-up calls, and the abundantly stocked kitchen mere hints of her exceptional leadership abilities.

Challenge

“I decided that before my 55th birthday in March of 2017, I would run a 1/2 marathon and compete in a Ragnar Relay,” said team member Rowan, a Dosimetrist from CA when I asked him why he chose to accept the call to run.   Rowan graciously admitted his status as a novice runner, highlighting his commitments to stay in shape and connect with others in a satisfying team environment.

Over 350 teams took the Ragnar Relay challenge in Vegas this year including groups from Central Christian Church, Hakkasan Group, and a local high school team from Henderson called the Coronado Sole Runners.   Some teams combined challenge with philanthropy, opting to add a fundraising component for their favorite charities.

In addition to the inherent course challenges (uphill climbs, knee-stressing descents,  fatigue, fear, and inescapable desert sun) was the relational challenge.   An interruption of all things comfortable:  space, sleeping arrangements, and status quo.  Teams carried the task of motivating each other, lifting spirits, and continuing to encourage weary and worn-out minds and legs that yes, they could finish the race set out before them.  They had to believe, even when the pain and struggles seemed impossible to overcome.

Conviction

Enter team 1: SupaFupaTroopers.   I met van 1 of team 1 at Exchange 3 of 36 in the middle of Lee Canyon Road, approximately 12 miles downhill from Mt. Charleston Snowboard and Ski Resort,  just off US95.   It was the first runner witnessed at our exchange that afternoon.  I grabbed my brass bell, dashed into the street cheering with ebullient enthusiasm as teammates Mark and Mark exchanged the slap bracelet– the Ragnar version of a relay baton.  Ranging in age from 17-41, this team not only lucked out getting their team number to be 1, they actually finished in first place!   Mark Bennett, a collegiate runner for Southern Utah University and 15:06 5k runner took the relay’s longest leg, an 11.1 mile run through the desert’s Joshua trees and thorn bushes on a trail of rocky gravel, the last 5 miles of which he said were an uphill battle .

I learned at the finish line late Saturday morning talking with the wife of one runner, that the team set a specific goal of finishing in under 24 hours.   As seasoned participants, this team held fast to the belief that they could and would accomplish this quest.   Together, they did.

Better Together

As a relational and community bonding event, Ragnar Relay rallies dreamers and conquerors to bring their best selves to a team to accomplish the goal.   With social media tags like #bettertogether, #innerWild, # chasethesun,  and #chasethemoon, it was clear that this experience had implications reaching far beyond the scope of running.  Thank you Ragnarians for sharing your culture and inspiring the notion that everything is achievable when you are in it together.    The impossible becomes possible, the unrealized turns to reality through the power and strength of togetherness.

Sharing BeadforLife with Team 1!

 

 

 

Foundations of Friendship

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, Female Entrepreneurship, Ideas, Passion, People, Purpose

Today, I had the honor of experiencing first hand the great work and services offered at the Veterans Transition Resource Center (VTRC), a nonprofit collaborative partnership between Life After Active Duty and Veterans Care Foundation, created to help fill the gap in Veteran Services in Las Vegas.

Our Mission ~ To be a beacon, for our Military, Veterans and their families around the world, to help navigate the challenging obstacles from military life back to civilian life.

At the invitation of a friend, I accepted an opportunity to hear insights from friendship expert, Shasta Nelson, author, speaker, and founder of Girlfriendcircles.com.  Shasta shared years of research on the subject of friendships and the impacts on our health, stating ” We are experiencing an epidemic of unacknowledged loneliness.  More than anything, people desire to feel loved and supported.   Research shows that disconnection is the health equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day, even likened to the devastating effects suffered by those with addictions like alcohol.”  Point: loneliness, disconnection, and lack of a support network takes a toll on your mental and physical well-being.

This subject effects each and every one of us, not just veterans. Everyone needs friendships and support networks. What I appreciated most from her interactive talk with the group today, many of whom lost loved ones in active duty or are current care takers for loved ones, is that before we can learn how to be supported we must first understand what it means to be a friend.  Guys, this goes for you as well.

Three Components of Friendship

Friendship, she defined as:

Any relationship where two people feel satisfied, safe, and both people feel seen.

Shasta then drew a triangle on the white board in front of the group and shared the three most important components, requirements rather, for solid friendships to occur.

1. Positivity.

According to Shasta and her research, we should have a ratio of 5:1 for positive to negative interactions.    To be a good friend means sharing positively, impacting relationships in a healthy way.  This doesn’t mean we can’t share hurts and hangups in our lives with our friends, rather, it’s an opportunity for us to share where we are at to be truthful with our current situation and then offer something like, “I’m going through a rough time right now with work/ spouse/ (fill in the blank), but I’m so excited to be out meeting new people and building new friendships!”  Everyone likes to be around positive energy.

2. Consistency

We all know how hard it is to keep up with friends who live in different states, have different schedules, lifestyles, etc, but the key is connecting with regularity.  Even if it’s micro movements like calling each other at a set time each week or couple of weeks, or sending texts periodically, it’s keeping the contact consistent.   Shasta revealed that this is key for friendships, because consistency helps build trust between friends.  Helps instill the “safety” factor in the relationship.

She pointed out very keenly that this process of meeting people regularly happened as children when we were in school, and happens daily in the workplace.  There is a structure to the relationships, helping people bond more easily.  Things like deployments, church groups, university settings, and volunteerism place people in routines with consistent patterns, and naturally lead into the development of friendships.

3. Vulnerability

This is the component of friendship that Shasta says “makes us feel seen”.   Being vulnerable doesn’t necessarily mean we have to “vomit our vulnerability on new friends, rather, our level of vulnerability should increase incrementally with our consistency with that friend”.  As we see them more often and the friendship grows, we are able to increase our capacity to be vulnerable with them.

Vulnerability, according to Shasta, isn’t just sharing the hurting parts of our life, but can be translated as “initiating”.  When we ask someone to connect with us for a coffee, walk, or get together, we fear rejection and the very act of asking is being vulnerable.  It’s ok.  And it’s ok if we get a “no”.  That doesn’t mean we should feel rejected.

Self Assessment

At the conclusion of the session, Shasta challenged us to consider our friendships.  On a scale of 1-10, how supported do we feel in our friendships?  Are we putting too many expectations on the relationship and pushing that person away from us rather than drawing near?  What is missing in our friendships, and how can we improve ourselves to be better friends to someone else?

If positivity, consistency, and vulnerability are the three key ingredients to developing healthy friendships, what could I increase to improve the quality of my friendships?

My favorite takeaway was undoubtedly the following remark I believe hit home for every person in the audience.

Show up in beauty and light.

It’s not about finding the right person to be your friend, but fostering the right relationships you have.

Thank you Shasta Nelson for sharing your passion for friendships and connection with us today in the room.   Your heart emanates light and love.  I know I am not the only one who felt a connection with you.

To learn more about Shasta Nelson’s work, check out her published books on the subjects of friendship and connection.

What one word comes to your mind when you think of friendship?

Stand In Love,
Jennifer

 

 

 

Art in the Park 2016 Welcomes BeadforLife

by standinlovejen, posted in Beadforlife, Connection, Purpose

Yesterday morning I dressed a 10′ x 10′ space with rolls of burlap and displayed hand rolled BeadforLife  recycled paper jewelry in preparation for a juried art festival called  Art in the Park.  This fundraising event, boasting over 350 unique artisans, is hosted in the quaint town of Boulder City,  about a 20 minute drive outside of the town of Las Vegas.   It is the 54th annual and serves as the town’s largest fundraiser for the local hospital, opened in the fall of 1931 during construction of the Hoover Dam. Over the course of 32 years the hospital changed hands of ownership, and endured several closings and re-openings.  In 1963, a group of local women had an idea to raise funds to keep the town hospital running.   What started as a 50 artist fundraiser held in the downtown park area of Boulder City has grown into one of the largest art festivals in the southwest, bringing over 100,000 people to a town whose population is estimated at 15,000.

This will be the 3rd year I have attended as an exhibitor and volunteer for BeadforLife.  As I sit here sipping a coffee in the dark, early hours of the morning, I think about the many Ugandans that travel before sunrise for many hours by foot into Kampala hoping for a day of work.  I think about the story of hope and opportunity that is rolled into each and every bead hanging in my little space that I will proudly and passionately share with as many people as I can today and tomorrow.  I also think about the reality behind the jewelry I sell.  The faces and the families of the women I’ve met, their journeys, hardships, and triumphs rolled into each paper bead.  This is the significance of the BeadforLife journey.  Sharing in that story.  Overcoming the odds of generational poverty by simply receiving an opportunity to change, to interrupt the pattern.

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There is a beautiful connection to the start of Art in the Park, and to BeadforLife.  Both began with a small group of women who saw a need, and decided to do something to change the landscape of the reality they witnessed.   In 2004, three women made a journey through a slum in Kampala, Uganda and returned home with an intention to change and impact one person’s reality. Millie,  the woman in the slum whom they encountered that fateful day, hoped for an opportunity to sell her handmade jewelry in order to provide basic needs for herself and for her family.   I hope to share this story with the folks attending this weekend so they may inspire hope in those with whom they share the jewelry.  Each time BeadforLife jewelry is created, worn, and gifted, the circle of hope expands exponentially.  I am honored to be part of this circle of hope.

 

 

If you live in the area, please come and say hello! I’ll be at my home, space  #310 all day today and tomorrow sharing the story of hope.   If we lived in Uganda, you would be greeted in the most hospitable way, “You are most welcome into my home.  Please, come inside and let us talk.”  When you step foot inside this 10 x 10 foot space, imagine you are entering the home of a typical Ugandan family.   Allow the experience to create a small pattern interrupt in your own life.  Perspective is a beautiful thing.

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Stand in Love,

Jen

 

Strength in Surrender

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, volunteering

What comes to your mind when you hear the word surrender?  Do you equate surrender with weakness, giving up, capitulation, or renunciation?  Maybe you envision white flags raised high by weary arms calling for peace.  Perhaps you recall a historic surrender like that fateful day,  April 9th, 1865,   Robert E. Lee met face to face with opposing leader General Grant accepting his call for surrender ending the bloodshed of the Civil War.  Or maybe you see surrender as a tender notion, expressed below by the gentle words of author Marianne Williamson,

“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love.  We melt into another world, a realm of power already with us.  The world changes when we change, the world softens when we soften.  The world loves us when we choose to love the world.”

There is beauty in surrender.   In a world that urges us to believe we control every outcome,  convinces us to try harder to accomplish every goal, I surrender to the belief that what we need most is to lay our burdens down.  What relief is found when we give up control, willingly, and lay our troubles, our uncertainties, our pain and grief, and our quest for clarity at the foot of the Cross.

Spiritual Surrender

When I think of surrender, I think of an inimitable spiritual warrior named Dennis Robinson, with whom I shared a cup of coffee and conversation in the small Crossroads Church kitchen one Sunday morning while serving on a Samaritan’s Purse deployment last month.  Imagine a remarkably tall, lean and mean Santa Claus type machine in his 60’s riding a Harley instead of driving a sleigh, donning a black, sleeveless t-shirt with a Harley Davidson logo that reads live to serve in lieu of live to ride.  Snow-white beard and mustache hiding his broad smile, eyes that draw you inside the depths of his soul, arms outstretched wide, Dennis is an undeniable master of embrace.

Now a 9-year Samaritan’s Purse volunteer veteran serving as team leader, Dennis’s journey to surrender didn’t come without a fight.  As record-breaking hurricanes Dennis, Floyd, and Irene hit the East Coast in September 1999 causing unprecedented damage, Dennis was enduring an inundation of a mental kind.    Struggling with an 8-year depression, a time period that included daily alcohol and substance abuse, withdrawal, and stonewalling, Dennis recalled what he described as, “being completely checked out emotionally. ”  

In 2006, four years after leaving his full-time contracting career and well into the depths of his depression, he recalled receiving a postcard invitation to a local church in his hometown of Durham, North Carolina, a place he called home since 1989.  Struggling in his marriage with all the turmoil at the time, they decided to give it a try.

  “Going to church made me feel worse.” Dennis said, ” I felt I didn’t belong at all and didn’t want to go back.”  Dennis told me he was far from God and reminisced about his parochial school upbringing in the Bronx.    I asked Dennis what kind of work he was involved in from 2002-2007 for work, to which he replied:

“Beer drinker, pot smoker, and occasional handyman.“

On August 1st of 2007, after hitting rock bottom, Dennis unloaded his personal items from his pick-up truck and headed towards a tree he had premeditated would end his seemingly purposeless life of pain and suffering.

“I knew I could get up to 100 mph before hitting that tree head on.“

As he drove down that familiar North Carolinian road prepared to end his life, a voice broke through the antagonizing noise of his disempowered, completely discouraged mind prompting him, “Go past the tree! Go past the tree!”

Dennis drove past the tree, past the luring temptation to end his life,  and steered his pick-up truck by the grace of God into a nearby rehabilitation center.  On the second night of a six-day stay in the psych ward, Dennis  wandered the hallways at 2 am while others were sedated into deep sleep.

“What are you doing here?… what are you doing here?”

……. questioned a voice he said he could hear clearly.  That night after hours of tiresome contemplation, Dennis  enjoyed what he called, “ the best night of sleep in years”.  The following morning, the 3rd day, he woke up and called pastor Benji Kelly of New Hope Church in Durham, North Carolina and asked him to come with his Bible and pray with him.   It was time to surrender, or in Dennis’ words, “When you are that low, where do you have to go but to your knees?”   

On the other side of surrender

Dennis celebrates his surrender annually, on August 3rd, or  ,”Call Day”, as he refers to it, commemorating his call to his pastor, his call to a Higher Power begging for a new beginning.  Approximately 4 months later on November 17th, 2007,  Dennis decided it was time to surrender a life of brokenness and uncertainty, a life of mistakes, and a life that deserved a second chance, by inviting Christ into his life forever.    By  August 10, 2010,   nearly 3 years after accepting God into his life, Dennis deepened his surrender, accepting a calling to full-time volunteer ministry with Samaritan’s Purse .  This work takes his gift of surrender, combines it with his spiritual gifts of encouragement and service and impacts the lives of those suffering from the devastating effects of natural disasters around the US.

I asked Dennis how surrender impacted his life. His response,

“The greatest thing in my life about TOTAL surrender is the overwhelming sense of freedom! Knowing that God is in total control of my life, as long as I listen to and submit to His will, what more can one ask for in this life?”

Like this gorgeous song from Casting Crowns reminds us, Dennis traded in his old chains and took up his new name.

I am so thankful he did, because I cannot imagine a world without Dennis’ formidable helping hands or that incredible embrace.  Dennis has survived personal turmoil and disaster, making him a compassionate servant in his relief work, connecting easily to the broken hearted vicitims.   “I DO understand your pain,” he says to the broken-hearted upon arriving at their homes in complete disarray.

Disasters into designs.  Like Dennis, we are created on purpose, with a purpose, for a purpose.  Surrender to that call.  What beauty is found in a new identity. You don’t have to be your old self. There is power and redemption in a new name.  I received mine in 1999.

Are there areas in your life you think you may need to surrender, counter-intuitively trusting the notion that letting go is better than holding on?

Please enjoy some photos of my friend Dennis and please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

Thank you Dennis, for Standing in Love daily as Ephesians 6:10-20 reminds us! What a blessing you are to so many!  

Jennifer

 

 

 

Many parts, one body.

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, volunteering

 “To love is to be vulnerable.  Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will become untreatable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vulnerable.”                      – C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves 

At 7:40 am on Tuesday morning, I felt my own heart’s vulnerability as I clasped hands for the last pray out time with Suzanne, a Billy Graham chaplain from California, and Julietta, a beautiful, young, traveling nurse turned full-time office manager volunteer with Samaritan’s Purse, in a tightly knit circle of prayer.  Tears streamed down my face as I encountered the heartbreak that comes with leaving new friends behind and the joy of new beginnings unfolding amidst times of uncertainty.  I have never been great at goodbyes. Goodbyes are like litmus tests gauging the quality of an experience.  The deeper the connections and the more profound the interaction with others,  the harder the goodbye.  This was no easy goodbye.

I landed overwhelmed with gratitude, quieted by exhaustion, and spiritually renewed as I returned to life back home, life before witnessing the daily routines in an ongoing disaster area affecting over 100,000 southern Louisiana residents.  Undoubtedly, the experience varies from person to person; however, I believe one thing remains the same for each of us involved, and it is best summarized by the concise, poignant words of C.S. Lewis:

“You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another.”

Wow, let that marinate for a minute.

After several hours in my favorite local coffee shop this morning unpacking my thoughts and fond memories, I returned home and retreated to the comfort and safety of my bedroom, shades pulled, bulldog and pug snoring on the dry floor beside me, with spiral notebooks, hard covered journals, colored index cards, an open student Bible given to me during a spiritually life-changing experience in France 17 years ago, highlighters, and all sorts of writing tools with which I attempt to catch passing thoughts and release to paper,  I paused to give praise, by way of tears of gladness, to the One who authored this experience.   I humbly realized that I did not decide to go to Louisiana, rather, God chose Louisiana to be a healing ground for me and for all the others who joined in the relief efforts.  God’s plans are immensely wider and His love runs profoundly deeper than our human minds will ever comprehend.  He chose this experience for each of us, knowing how to satisfy the longings of our souls.  This distinction keeps me in awe and wonder of our Maker.

Spiritual Gifts

Having spent several days a passenger in the backseat of Drew and Pat Alexander’s Subaru Outback to and from work sites each day, I gained a unique vantage point for witnessing their genuine love for each other as well as their deeply rooted passion for serving people in disaster situations.  Drew currently serves as pastor of Folcroft Union Church in addition to his volunteer work as chaplain of the local police and fire departments in Folcroft, Pennsylvania.  He and Pat, his amazingly strong and inspiring wife of 26 years, respond to both Red Cross and Samaritan’s Purse deployments, and in the late nineties, they spent two years overseeing boarding school children of missionaries in what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo.  I asked them both what drives their volunteerism on a ride home from Abbeville, La. that Saturday afternoon.

“I believe we were given the gift of service“, he replied from behind the steering wheel in a low-toned voice likened to Tony Dungee’s by one fellow SP volunteer.   Drew went on to share the importance of using spiritual gifts, and emphasized the distinction between spiritual gifts and talents.  “Talents can frustrate“, said Drew, “but [using] gifts is refilling.  When we are not using our gifts, we feel stifled, stuck, and tend to stagnate.” 

As we returned back to our home-away-from- home, Crossroads Church– the welcoming  lighthouse location providing long-term shelter and much appreciated provisions for several dozens of overnight volunteers, I contemplated the masterful design of this Samaritan’s Purse (SP) team and all the gifts it had to offer to the residents of Louisiana, and to each other.

There were no coincidences on this trip.

God masterfully and purposefully painted the smallest details into this Lafayette team canvas with variegated brush strokes, each volunteer a vivid prism of color combined to form a rainbow palette of spiritual gifts to share.  As the apostle Paul states in his analogy of the church to a human body in 1 Corinthians 12:12 :

“The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.” 

I likened the rest of this passage (vv 12-27) to the joint effort of volunteers with Samaritan’s Purse and Crossroads Church.   Today I jotted down a list of all the extraordinarily talented volunteers who made the experience possible, as well as the number of things that happened behind the scenes to keep such a large, long-term disaster relief operation running  smoothly.  I cannot say enough about the incredible stories of those with whom I had the privilege of serving.

While this list isn’t exhaustive, it allows the formation of a mental picture to accompany the “many parts, all one body” illustration.  Furthermore, it is intended to thank all of those who shared, knowingly or unknowingly, their spiritual gifts for the benefit the entire group.

Number of blessings

There’s a sales adage that goes, “the proof’s in the numbers“.

Let us, therefore, consider the numbers:

# of miles flown, # of miles driven , # of prayers lifted, # of circles gathered.  # of Bibles signed and gifted, # meals prepared, served, and shared, # of dishes washed, trips to the grocery store, and # of alarms going off at 3am.

# smiles, hugs, greetings to one another and to homeowners, # tools used, # hands hammering, pulling, lifting, # of sweat beads and tears shed, # dirty orange t-shirts washed each day, # devotions, chaplain prayers, and nightly debriefings. # of welcome visits, new orientation videos, and facilities tours, # squeegeed shower stall walls, lights out at 10, and after hours conversations in the hallways outside the sleeping quarters.

The # of times your body wanted you to rest, but your heart begged you to join one more conversation, stay up just one more hour.

# soaked drywall fragments removed, corners meticulously brushed and scraped, mold infested areas sprayed, and the # of personal effects carried to the curb.  # of lives intersected, laughs shared,  and songs sung.  # of stories told, pasts untold, hurts brought into the light, lives redeemed.  # false beliefs shattered, emotional and physical walls surrendered, # times mere strangers became close friends, and the # of encouragements that helped you make it through another day after difficult night of sleep. # of opportunities to share, to help, to give, and to learn, # of times we had to love our neighbor as ourselves and stand as living testimonies, and the # of times we had the chance to respond to the Gospel’s call to action.

Above all this, the # of times we humbly, without merit, received God’s grace and mercy, and felt his unending love fill our lungs with every breath. 

Thank you God, for providing this gift to us all.

Click here for serving opportunities in Lafayette, Baton Rouge, or Gonzales, Louisiana.  Samaritan’s Purse will be on the ground through the end of October at the earliest, serving the flood victims and their families until the need no longer remains.

Please enjoy this video tribute of my experience with this highly organized, thoughtful, and incredibly nurturing group of volunteers, leaders, and staff of Samaritan’s Purse.  I look forward to the next deployment, and throwing on my favorite orange t-shirt.

Stand in Love,

Jen

 

 

 

 

Chick-Fil-A-Eight

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, People, Purpose, volunteering

Lafayette welcomed the “Chick-Fil-A Eight” as they have been nicknamed, two days ago from Dayton, Ohio.

A franchise owner of two Dayton suburban locations took Chick- Fil-A’s official corporate mission statement to an entirely new level.

“To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us.  To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-Fil-A.”

As her Miamisberg location, the nations top performing location in 2015, undergoes expansion renovation, her employees were given the opportunity to earn their normal wages while serving flood diaster victims here in Lafayette.

A team of 8 workers, including Dayton training director Samantha drove 14 hours Wednesday to serve while their shop’s reopening date was pushed back.  Ranging in age from 18-23 years old, the team of 8 joined leader Bob for the most difficult job assignment in this area to date.

The homeowner is a recently widowed man living with his pregnant daughter and son as well as his granddaughter age 3.  Next  to his home is his machine shop where he makes his living.  This property is still under water and the devastation has compounded leaving homeowner utterly hopeless.

Enter Samaritan’s  Purse team of 17, including the “Chick-Fil-A Eight”. 


Amidst the debris, festering mold spores, and dampened memories rested an American flag, soaked in standing flood water.

Dylan, a recently injured U.S. Marine now working full time for the Chick- Fil-A franchise outside of Dayton, respectfully folded the flag with  coworker Brittin and  presented it to the broken-hearted homeowner’s son, Trey, in a solemn moment at the end of the day.


Not only had Trey recently lost his mother, now his home and life as he knew it had been washed away in the flood.

The team will return to the site again today to continue the work as well as bring light, hope, and the message of the Gospel to this family hurting from life’s tumultuous storms.

This morning’s group devotional called us to ponder the reason for our volunteerism.  To consider the states of our hearts. Are we here for our own plans, or are we woven  into the tapestry of Lafayette for a purpose much larger than our current understanding?

The longer I stay here, the clearer that bigger purpose has become. It is in these moments of deep connection with humanity that we contemplate our true, meaningful existence on Earth.  These times of trials are Faith’s most glorious chance for refinement and reinvigoration.

I have fallen in love with the people of Louisiana, and Lafayette in particular is making what will soon become an indelible mark on my heart.


These are the moments I live for and I am on my knees in humble gratitude for God stirring my heart to come.

He always knows just what we need, right when we need it.

 

“For I know the plans I have for You declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ” – Jermiah 29:11

 

May the floods in your life remind you of what needed to be washed away, so that new beginnings may take root.

Share your thoughts in the comments if Louisiana has touched you in any way.  We learn from each other and take comfort knowing we are not alone in this life.

Stand in love, ❤️

Jen

@standinlovejen

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Jennifer DeBough Miller

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Female Micro-Entrepreneur Spotlight: Regina Nakalanzi 

by standinlovejen, posted in Connection, Female Entrepreneurship, People

On the road again Monday morning by 7:30 am heading towards Kamuli, Uganda in the east.  About 45 miles north of the town of Jinja- the source of the Nile River!  I’ve come to anticipate an adventure each time I embark on field work.  Travel, traffic, and the sights on the ground mix around me like an unfamiliar collection of spices from a foreign land.   Traveling east on Jinja road, we passed through a bustling meat market town called Najjembe, where hoards of workers dressed in blue uniforms wave sticks of street meat – mostly chicken- trying to get your attention!  As you slow down to pass through this food refill town, your vehicle is essentially overtaken with people pressed against all 4 windows trying to sell you sticks of meat, bags of bananas- over 5 varieties-  avocados, tomatoes, as well as cold bottled beverages like water or orange soda pop!

Our driver picked up a bag of sweet bananas, and my colleague selected a sack of roasted plantains to be enjoyed on the ride to our destination.   Shortly after that smoke filled meat rest stop, we passed through the lush valley of the Mabire Forest.

Our work today centered on field interviews with current members of the Bulogo Women’s group- the first partner organization here in Uganda to replicate and test the Street Business School 6 month entrepreneurial training methodology for the poorest women in the rural village of Bulogo.    Led by the warm and nurturing mama Esther and coach Ritah, we were introduced to a quarter of the group due to graduate next month!

Each and every visit to the women’s homes and places of business was exhilarating and encouraging!  We were seeing first hand the impact that BeadforLife’s Street Business School expansion project was having in rural villages in Uganda!

Meet Regina.

Our first encounter was with the loveliest woman named Regina Nakalanzi.  Regina is 49 years old, married, and has four children.  Inspired by the content of her very first training session at the street business school (held under a large mango tree with the trunk of the tree posing as an easel for white paper held up by two members), she managed to string a couple of independent thoughts together and sold a small basket woven of palm branches for a mere 15,000 UGS- a bit less than $5USD.  After the sale of a second basket, she invested the proceeds in order to buy a piglet!  Embracing the notion of “starting small” with her business, she continued to put lessons to practice at home and begin to save and eventually have her own male pig which would help her financially!

When she’s not busy running her most profitable business, the piggery, she works as the village hairdresser!  An old passion of hers that went by the way side due to life’s daily struggles with farming and subsisting- she decided to rekindle  her love with this business as well!  Honing her skills, and dedicating more energy than usual on this, she has become one busy beautician- especially in December around the holidays!  She weaves baskets on the side, and also grows and sells small harvests of sim-sim- sesame seeds- for additional profits.   Regina was raised by her uncle after her father passed away at a young age.  She never made it through secondary school, and while she had a later opportunity in life to attend a nursing program, she failed to complete it due to lack of school fees to fund her studies.  She found herself in a stagnant place – feeling restless, tired, defeated, an complacent for a number of years.

Thanks to BeadforLife’s partnering with Bulogo Women’s group, Regina’s dreams to be independent and successful in life came true!   She rose up from her lowest point- having lived in a mud hut with a tin roof when she arrived to Bulogo village and not able to send her children to school.   Selling small bags of maize which she harvested by herself, she was able to purchase 7 iron sheets to begin to provide a better shelter for herself.

When asked what advice she would give to other women who may be considering joining a business training program, she said ” you must be patient in marriage, and in business.  Save, be creative, and always remember to take a portion of your profits and reinvest them to expand you businesses!”   Spoken like a true entrepreneur!

I asked which business she liked most, and she replied with a chuckle, ” the piggery, because it’s the most profitable!”

I was blessed to have the village hairdresser demonstrate her hair braiding talent on my muzungu hair and that was fun for us both!  She has never braided a white person’s hair and I have never experienced the fast paced, super tight small rows placed nearly on my scalp!  It was great fun and a shared blessing indeed!  I was incredibly inspired by her hard work, and enterprising spirit!

To learn more about how you can help light the spark in a woman’s life living in extreme poverty, please visit :

Vegas.ignite1million.org

Or to learn more about all of BeadforLife’s programs, please visit:

http://www.beadforlife.org